Plenty of thoughts went through my head these past couple of days. One thing for sure I had come to the realization that I am slowly coming out of my old belief system about who I am and what [] me who I was.
I am nothing more that a person heavily influenced by the dopamine surge due to cigarettes and cannabis. I am not God. Heck, I am not anybody special. It just so happen I have a mental condition and because of that my judgment got effected.
However my gift is my ability to imagine. Therefore I am entitled to allow my imagination to soar.
My strength is my ability to create meaning that favors me. I see meaning in seeming random patterns which include in numbers and events around me.
I can easily say because of the meaning I assigned to them that I am special. The truth is I can only be special if I had achieved something special. So far the only special things I achieve are limited to things that are personal to me unless we consider Dreams of Mirrors as an international achievement.
On my own I am pretty contented with what I had achieved. I already managed to have a steady relationship with Els. I just wish that my relationship with Sarah is more reciprocal. So as planned I still have a Tetrahedron.
That's what counts, peace of mind.
So I am gonna claim my rights to Dragon Planet and the AlphaX64 Tristars System as the products of my imagination should there be an afterlife.
Assuming my consciousness survives death, I already create my future beforehand.
If I will end up as nothing upon death, at least I have total ownership to my imagination while I am alive.
The reason why I am holding on to this belief is because it is an empowering belief. My capital as a human being is my ability to imagine. Nobody is going to take that away from me.
According to Richard Dawkins there is no such thing as a 50/50 agnostic. Either you are inclined to believe or you are inclined to disbelieve.
Well, I am the agnostic that are incline to believe. Even as an atheist I am impartial of God. Not that I don't believe in God.
By that classification I am categorized as the Weak Atheist. I think I tend to agree with it. To me I am looking for evidence of God.
For all I know the evidence is there. It's just I fail to see it. I don't expect God to appear someday and then I believe.
I am looking for signs. RM43:25 (7:7) appeared on my lunch receipt a few days ago. That is a good sign actually.
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You know what? It is easier to think I am special than to think that I am ordinary. All I do is assign favorable meaning to the signs.
I tell you what... I accept that I am special anyway but I only confine that to myself. I don't need to convince others about my special attributes.
The lesson here is I can think whatever thoughts that I like as long as it doesn't involve communicating that to others.
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