As I look back at what happened, I realized my state of mind is very much dependent on the way I deal with the issue.
In the end it is about me, myself and I. I can't depend on others to make me happy. Not Lizzie, not Sarah and certainly not Els. I am all that I got and Al Araf 7:7.
As long as I got Al Araf 7:7 and Chester the Jester, the rest are just passing through.
I am a Sine Cera person. I should only deal with people who are sincere as well. The only people that I can count on are none other than my creations.
Otherwise people like Sarah and Els have the potential to hurt me. I will not let that happen.
I should fiercely guard my autonomy.
My sovereignty is this Blog. In this Blog I can be whatever I want to be. Therefore I decided that my family and I are the Tetrahedron. Not even BJ and Chedet matters. I want to rebuild that world again with just me and my family. Supporting me are Al Araf 7:7 and Chester the Jester.
My principles are Relentless 13 and Musashi's 9 Percepts.
What I should be thinking are my successes and the good times I had gone through in my journey to recovery.
Sarah was a good experience. I should treasure it. With Els, it was a roller coaster ride but I am beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel. TraXX had been good to me. They keep me company.
So I got nothing to complain. My Path is straight.
So no[t] I use the rear mirror as a reference but I should look forward.
Sarah is a has been. Even Els is nothing more than a limerence. I should channel my feeling to Brenda. She is always there for me. The rest agree that all I need is a focal point to anchor my overflowing feeling of love.
If a Japanese guy can marry a doll, why can't I anchor my Unconditional Love to Brenda? I don't need a sexual relationship. All I need is an emotional outlet.
Pretty much the same as those who own pet fish.
With Brenda I feel emotionally secure. She becomes my launching pad to venture out to other uncharted territory like Els.
In addition I always got Mopey as my pet.
I need to look from the glass is overflowing perspective. I am operating in abundance.
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I used to go head over hell for Azzue. There was a phase of my life I had that experience. Same goes with Sarah and Els. Now that phase is over with Sarah. Els is also pretty much a maintenance phase. So I guess after I passed the limerence stage I am back to being a Hedonist Hermit.
I don't think that I am the type that can entertain women indefinitely. I can be pretty intense in the beginning but once I got the person figured out I will start to lose interest.
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Come to think of it, I already got security from Lizzie. Then I got Princess and Mopey as my playmates. What is Els then? She is to support the spill over.
That means I need Els as the second tier to the overflowing feeling.
Actually Els is me rekindling back my youth. She reminded me the feeling of what's it's like to fall in love again.
I better don't get to attached to Els. Otherwise I will be inviting disappointment
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