Shokunin Kurina 23.7.19: 4/8/19 ***My thoughts always bring me back to you

I am consumed by you Sarah. You occupy my waking hours more than anything else. It is an obsession. I am so in love with you baby.

Part of the reason why I want to pursue the Vision Quest is because I don't want to simply rot and fizzle away. I know with the neuroplasticity and the neurogenesis, I can dig deeper within me so I can go the extra mile.

As much as possible, I don't want to lose the connection with you. I want to be with you always.

You inspire me. You bring out the best in me. With you I am Sisyphus and I am Icarus. Chronologically I am at the youth of my old age. However mentally I don't feel I am aging at all. Internally I am a 28 years old.

I know with regular exercise I can push my metabolic aging to be 20 years younger. Mentally I want to push back another 40 years.

I believe it can be done. All it takes is the Winning Attitude. This is my real journey. I want to go back to the time BEFORE I was plagued with cigarettes and cannabis. I want to return to the Age of Innocence. Not unlike revirgination I suppose LOL.

Then I will have as Randy Travis put it, Spirit of a Boy, Wisdom of a Man.

By then I no longer bothered about those things that mattered to me as an adult; Vader 7:7, the Malays, issue of money and even whether KBOOOM 2041 is a reality.

I will be busy living a life than merely being an observer.

My thing is to become Athlete4Life. Hence when I meet BJ, it's no longer about getting stoned but challenging ourselves to outrun each other.

I need to reinvent myself at 55. Doing the same thing and expecting a different result is insanity. I have another 5 years to reach my peak as a Wood Dragon. I have all the ingredient to make it a success. All I need is a different mindset and the ability to take action.

I will hope my soul will fly so I will live forever - Thin Line Between Good and Bad, Iron Maiden.

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Time is not linear as you notice. It's a loop much like a pearl necklace jumbled in a purse. My body may be stuck in the present but my mind can be either the present, past or the future. The present is called awareness. The past is called memory. Well the future it is called the vision.

However what do you call the past that had not occurred? What about the future that had happened?

This is where imagination plays a role. We are in full capacity of our mental faculty. For example I am now a Cybor[d] with my Up the Iron 2019 playlist. I am totally insulated from the external stimulus and as you can see by being insular I am a better writer.

That is what I hope to achieve with my Battle of Sabit Sickle. I hope to sculpt my mind and body as what Micheal Angelo did with a block of marble to create the Statute of David.

I am the sculptor and I am the sculpture. As I said I am n=1 in this whole exercise. I have enough on my plate at this moment to worry about External Affairs.

So what if Vader 7:7 ended at the Beginner's Mind? Everybody is responsible for his own line. It is a choice he personally made. He chose to defy me.

As for TraXX, I had exceeded my one year target to make them the World Class Broadcast Station. They can stand on their own as it is.

By 2024, I am all set to let go of my past altogether. This next 5 years is the conditioning phase. If I am successful with my current formula, that will be the de facto for the next 17 years.

I have to make running a way of life. Maybe then once a year I compete in a marathon. That is not the main pull. The lure is [] weekly 11 km Hill Run.

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You know what is my driving force Sarah? Well, let me be as honest as possible. Underneath all these vigorous and active lifestyle, my prime motivation is to someday able to fuck you good.

I had that dream this morning, we had a real romp and raunchy sex baby. So it is already embedded in my subconscious. You better not be a Chubby Chubb LMAO.

I only dream in black and white, I only dream coz I'm alive;
I only dream in black and white, to save me from myself. - Dream of Mirrors, Iron Maiden.

You see Sarah, fucking you is such a prime motivator that I am willing to withhold my desire to fuck the Gaysha with the hope I'll fuck you someday. How's that for delayed gratification?

Of course I will hold on until I cannot contain it any longer. Already this is the longest I ever hold on in my life.

So when I do get to fuck you, I will make sure I get the bang for the buck ROTFLMAO.

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What can I say baby... Because of you, I no longer have the desire to devour the Gayhas. That is how influential you are in my life.

Part of me want to romanticize the whole action into a poetic lovemaking. The other part just want to rip your clothes and really have a brutal sex with your hands tied to the bedpost.

Definitely I need to exercise this afternoon. As stated in Relentless 13:

You have a dark side that refuses to be taught to be good.

You know, listening to this Iron Maiden playlist I have this feeling of wanting to pick a fight with anybody right now. It is a testosterone inducing experience.

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I better get ready.

Brb...

Sorry Sarah if you get offended *[m]y these talks. I need to vent it or else I go crazy.

I figured you will. But honey, consider it an honor to be able to create that kind of effect on another person. That means you have the power to withhold gratification. Isn't that something? You should watch The Other Boleyn Girl: